Montessori: The Absence of Praise and Rewards
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“Like others I had believed that it was necessary to encourage a child by means of some exterior reward that would flatter his baser sentiments….in order to foster in him a spirit of work and of peace. And I was astonished when I learned that a child who is permitted to educate himself really gives up these lower instincts.” Dr. Maria Montessori
One aspect of Montessori that can sometimes be perplexing is the absence of praise and rewards. That’s right. No praise or rewards. No potty candy or sticker charts. We want children to be driven by their own inner life, not by adult praise or the promise of reward. To put it simply: children are happier when driven by their own impulses.
This can be confusing, right? Do you think your kid did a brilliant job? Of course! Do you love their painting? It’s the most beautiful painting on the planet and deserves a place in the Lourve. We can still share with our children how much we love their work and how much joy we are taking from it without offering empty praise and “good job.” Here are a few ways to offer encouragement in the place of empty praise.
Say what’s true and be specific. “Wow. You used a lot of colors in that painting.” Or “I see how hard you worked on that.”
Inquire about how they feel. “Do you like the way that looks?” “Doesn’t it feel good to be able to finally ride your bike?” “What’s your favorite part of your picture?”
Show appreciation when they help. “I appreciate your help with the laundry.” Or “I appreciate how hard you worked putting the dishes away.”
