Montessori at Home: Meltdowns
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Let me say this clearly: meltdowns are okay. Meltdowns can be expected and are not something we need to “stop.” Should we work to diminish them? Yes. Is it best for everyone if they are few and far between? Absolutely. Are they fun to deal with? Not in the slightest.
The cornerstone of Montessori is respect for the child. Dr. Montessori built her life’s work on the guiding principle that children are humans who deserve deep respect. Meltdowns can be dealt with in a way that keeps the dignity of the child in tact and supports self-regulation. They can also be handled without bribing, shaming or shouting. Here are a few tips on handling meltdowns in a way that is compatible with the Montessori philosophy:
Remain calm. You are the adult and you are the one who is capable of managing yourself independently. Reminding yourself of this may help you respond to your child with compassion. Remember that you have the power in this situation. You can wield that power to shout and overpower your child OR you can use that power to remain calm to the end.
Make sure everyone is safe. If they are hurting themselves or others, gently remove them from the situation if they are unable to move their own bodies.
Use as few words as possible. If your child has lost their cool, they are just not able to process a whole lot of what you say. Using too many words when a child is upset can perpetuate their frustration and make the situation worse.
Practice co-regulation. Let them sit in your lap until they are calm. Model deep breathing. Hold their hand. Take them for a walk. Do not treat this is a distraction, but as a means to help them find composure.
Help them practice accountability. If your child has thrown something or hurt someone during a meltdown, help them take responsibility for their actions when they feel calm. Simply take them back and work with them as they clean up things or check in on the person they have harmed. This can help them practice being a responsible human without using shame or punishment. And remember, no need to force apologies during this process.
Move on with your day. No need to speak of it later. And maybe have a drink after bedtime ;)
