Montessori at Home: Functional Independence

As I’m sure you have observed by now, independence is a big part of Montessori education. We view a child’s independence in many different ways and offer opportunities for different kinds of independence in the classroom. Functional independence is the goal of the entire first plane of development (0-6 years). Academics are a direct result of this drive for functional independence, but they are not the goal. Maria Montessori said, “The child will aim directly and energetically toward functional independence.” We see this energetic aim toward functional independence as soon as children gain the ability to walk on their own two feet. Surely, you have witnessed (or experienced!) a toddler being carried out of a public space screaming, “I want to walk!!!!” We support this effort toward functional independence in the most basic ways in the classroom. The children carry their own things inside. They hang their own jackets. They button their own clothes. We only offer assistance when they have exhausted their attempts and a friend isn’t able to step in and help. Here are some ways you can support your child’s quest for independence at home:

• Your child can carry their own things. Children actually love “heavy work,” so a load that may seem unmanageable to an adult can be carried with joy by a small child. 

• Your child can dress and undress themselves. They can even take care of their bodies after having an accident.

• Your child can put away their things

• Your child can brush their own teeth

• Your child can wipe up spills

• Your child can participate in the care of your environment at home. They can dust, fold and wash with joy! directions as they work on dressing or putting something away. Instead of praise, say what’s 

As always, use positive phrasing when encouraging independence at home. “You can put your shoes away.” “You can put your pants on all by yourself.” Sometimes, you might need to act as a coach on the sidelines, cheering them on! Offer support in the form of simple, one step true to encourage even more independence. “You worked really hard putting your shirt on this morning.”

Allowing children to be independent at home can ease so many frustrations. Often, unwanted behaviors happen when a child’s drive toward independence collides with a well-meaning adult unknowingly becoming an obstacle. Give into the “I do it!” and see where it takes you.

Montessori at Home: Waiting with Respect

I love working with families. My work with parents is one of my favorite parts about my work in the classroom. This has not always been the case. I used to dread conversations with parents (especially difficult conversations) and parent conferences used to make me feel anxious. I soon realized that my work with families directly impacts my work with the children each day. I came to love conversations with parents, even the most difficult conversations. As a classroom teacher, I hear the phrase “why isn’t my kid?” quite a bit. Why isn’t my kid reading? Why isn’t my kid writing their name? Why isn’t my kid quite as articulate as their cousin? 

A big part of Montessori education is waiting. We wait for the child to be ready for the next presentation. We wait for the child to show an interest in sounds and letters. We watch with a keen eye and we wait. This same waiting applies to parenting.  Dr. Montessori said, “We are to offer to this life, which came into the world by itself, the means necessary for development, and having done that, we must wait for this development with respect.” In what areas are you feeling a bit impatient with your child’s development? How can you wait for this development “with respect”?

Four Positive Phrases for Montessori Kids

Clear communication is an important part of an adult’s work in Montessori. Montessori adults use careful language to communicate as clearly as possible with young children. This supports the sensitive periods for order and for language. Clear communication can ease frustration and limit conflict. In The Absorbent Mind, Montessori spoke of the importance of using positive language with children and warns of always inferring the negative when communicating with little ones (“Don’t do that.” “Don’t touch that.” Etc). Here are a few clear phrases to keep in your back pocket:

• “Let’s try together.” Children strive for functional independence, but can sometimes be reluctant to try a new skill independently. This can be putting new shoes on, serving themselves a snack or putting their dirty dish away. Instead of stepping in to do it for them, invite them to try it with you. Helping a child master a skill on their own gives them confidence and new skills to build on.

• “On a different day.” I don’t like being the no mom, but some things are a no for that day. Can we get ice cream? “On a different day, of course!”

• “It’s not a choice.” Positive language can still be met with resistance. When a choice isn’t available (like, buckling seatbelts or holding a hand when crossing a street), we can offer this gentle reminder.

• “Let’s go together.” This is a phrase that can be used when a direct instruction is met with resistance. Time to leave a playdate? “Let’s go together.” Time to get in the car for school? “Let’s go together.” This phase invites children to cooperate.